It is detrimental for singles to read articles about the benefits of marriage.

Back in 2000 I read an article that said that married people have better health than those who are single “Well, we better hurry up and jump the broom,” I joked to the guy who I was sort-of-but-not-really-dating.* Since there were no eligible young men around, I figured it was my fate to just die the (early) death of a solterona.

As if that were not enough, now there’s an article that says that married people are better for the environment than those who live alone. So now I’m responsible for earth’s ecological demise? Dang, I might as well just jump off my balcony and end it all. At least, as a decaying body, I’ll be doing something good by fertilizing the soil. Ha!

By the way, let it be known that I do not want to be buried when I die. I want to be cremated. Yes, throw all 160 pounds of me into the old incinerator. I do not need to be taking up space and wasting money when I’m dead. Use that money to help educate Sobrino & Sobrina. I am dead serious.

Speaking of death…not to be morbid or anything, but death is a fact of…er…life. Here’s some useful information to help prepare for it. Hope you won’t need it anytime soon, if you know what I mean.

Avoid Common Mistakes on Your Will

Save money on a funeral

*Soapbox moment: Girls, women, sisters…do not allow yourself to get tangled up in a sort-of-but-not-really relationship with a man. An undefined relationship almost always benefits the man and almost always screws over the woman. Learn from my mistake. ‘Nuff said.